#recognizethegriefprocess

Today I am writing about grief. I am certainly not an expert, rather coming from personal experience. This past week as I prepared to write I asked one of my Psychologist friends for some reliable sources. I have not personally been through grief counseling, but I am a firm believer in the importance of it. As I read the different articles, I was surprised how much of it sounded familiar. My biggest takeaway is that everyone’s grief journey is unique to them. Each loss suffered whether by illness, suicide, an accident, or murder, our grief we experience is going to be different.

I recognized and could relate with each stage of the grieving process. I may not have experienced them in this exact order but have processed each one multiple times. If we look at the definition of grief, “deep sorrow” we know that grieving is not a quick process. Learning to practice patience towards others and especially ourselves is a must. Patience means the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. I have been told that grief is like the ocean because it comes in waves. Some waves are bigger than others, therefore require more patience.

I see a traveler who makes a journey from place to place, each day experiencing new sights, sounds, and smells. In comparison when grieving we are like passengers with grief as our tour guide. Your eye catches a photo that takes you down memory lane, the happy tears start to swell. You hear a song that reminds you of the journey, you angrily start to question God. As you cook their favorite meal, the smell overwhelms your soul, and you realize they are in a better place.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross introduced the 5 stages of the grieving process:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

When in denial and anger, we cannot always see and understand what is in front of us. I think about the walk to Emmaus after Jesus’s crucifixion. There were two travelers, one named Cleopas. Neither of them recognized Jesus until He broke bread with them in Luke 24: 30-32 NIV; “When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. Then their eyes were opened, and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight”.

Notice they recognized Jesus at the “breaking” of the bread. Jesus meets us at our brokenness. We may not always understand the why, but we can ask God to help us accept it. One of my favorite prayers, known as the Serenity Prayer, comes to mind.

God,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

In the name of Jesus, Amen

Just hours before finishing writing my mom sent a text. She had been going through some of my Dad’s belongings and came across a letter he had typed on 12/22/18, just two days before he heard the words, you have cancer. I was reminded of his trust in God and the peace he had received from God that week before he would begin his cancer journey. Looking back now I can see how God equipped my Dad to be our original tour guide. Although he fought hard and never gave up on his battle with cancer for 13 long months, he was at peace with whatever the outcome would be. We as his loved ones needed those 13 short months to prepare our hearts and minds. While reading the letter the song “Don’t Miss a Thing” by Amanda cook was playing. Some of the lyrics sing; “You surround me with angels on assignment”. God Wink! I can smile because we now have Dad as our angel on assignment.

I do not normally eat my emotions. This past week was the one-year anniversary of my Dad’s death. He loved ice cream. For me, eating ice cream was one way I could remember and honor my Dad. I encourage you to read the articles below. I feel I am a mixture of both affectively and cognitively processing grief. Affectively I have communicated my grief both verbally and in writing. Cognitively I have processed grief physically through my running journey.

Whatever grief you are experiencing; loss of a loved one or a pet, a nasty divorce or a prodigal child. I pray you will allow God to be your ultimate tour guide through the grieving process. Whereever you are at in your grieving process I pray you can give yourself patience. I encourage you to take time to journal and express your emotions with family and friends. Find fun ways to honor your loved ones, even if it means eating a bowl of ice cream. The John Heywood saying goes, “Rome wasn’t built in a year” but you can make a point to find joy in the journey one brick at a time. Most importantly, pray. Talk to God daily. He knows our every need. Remember the shortest verse in the bible, John 11:35 NIV; “Jesus Wept”. He loves us and doesn’t want to miss a thing.

Worship Song:

Don’t Miss a Thing by Amanda Cook

Articles on Grieving Process:

https://www.apa.org/topics/grief

Grief: Going beyond death and stages

Resources for Grieving People:

https://www.hospiceandcommunitycare.org/grief-and-loss/grief-links/